Avoidant Attachment by David Lawson PhD, Chapter by Chapter

Does your partner experience their relationship with you through a certain detachment? Do you feel coldness and distance within the relationship that is difficult to explain? Do you strive to grow your relationship, but have been stuck in the same spot for months or even years?

A partner with an avoidant attachment style of emotion can build walls and create distances in any couple relationship, can show strict communication limits and undermine a romantic relationship. The detached attitude of the avoidant attachment personality can be frustrating for a partner, who will find him or herself experiencing feelings of uselessness and/or neglect, even to the point of feeling completely abandoned.

Those who in a relationship with an avoidant partner can, justifiably, take a few steps back and question the entire relationship. I recommend that you read this book if your partner: Has a shy, detached, elusive personality or seems impervious to love and emotions. Struggles to think as a couple and to build a sense of ‘US’. Obstructs, or deviates from any attempt to communicate your hurt feelings. Cannot – or will not – accept help from others. Shows boundless love for a pet but can be cool and aloof with you. Regards any request for intimacy from you as pressurising. Shows difficulties in living the sexual life of a couple in a natural way, sometimes even avoiding intimacy in their relationships. Is not aware of these dynamics, so can come to question love, to the point of thinking that they are a difficult person.

If you do not intervene soon, those in a couple relationship with an avoidant person will end up having to settle for a relationship that consists of distances, until the relationship eventually fragments. Everything you have built together will have been in vain. Understanding the wounds of attachment is the best gift you can give to your relationship, and grow and nurture intimacy.

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